The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Found the puke drawer
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
