there's paper in my vomit.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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