On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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