Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
