Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
