i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
