I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
