You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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