That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
