OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
