ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
