i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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