Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dicks are not precious.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
