I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
