i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
