So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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