can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
