I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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