You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
