i just had sex bonerless
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
