and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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