i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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