My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
