I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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