Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
