I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
