sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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