I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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