She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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