We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
