btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
