I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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