he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
