wat bout pragnant strippers??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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