areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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