Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
