She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
