I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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