i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
