fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
