road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
