are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
