she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize