This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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