no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
