It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
