fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
