It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
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I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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