i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
