Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize
