You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
