I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
