you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
