Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
