If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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