My first STD was from a foam party
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
