He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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