ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
