Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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