He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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