Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
