i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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