and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
