remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
