What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
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Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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