my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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