Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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