Yo dont text me then not text me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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