Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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