dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
