Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
