Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
