He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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