Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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