how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
