I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
