can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
