Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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